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 There was a time, when I had a hope within myself, thinking that I can be holy. But God graciously made me realize what sin is, why I sin, why I am not a good person, and how hopeless I am, in myself. I would like to highlight three important things that I came to understand: 1) My sinful nature (the reason I sin)
2) What it means to be born again & why - I needed be born again
3) The all sufficiency of being in Christ Jesus.
Well, I am Afrikaans, and I grew up in the Dutch Reformed Church. I had many privileges, for which I am very thankful, in what would be considered a Christian home. I was active in Sunday school and youth ministry. But, even though I grew up in this traditional system, I did not fully realize my fallen nature – and I did not fully realize, personally, what it means to be born again, and why we needed to be born again. I accepted Jesus at several meetings when invitations were made, but still I did not really understand exactly why Jesus had come and why he died and rose again. There was no real conviction.
After school I worked a bit in the UK and afterwards started studying at the University of Pretoria. I stayed at two different places during my studies in Pretoria, around 2000/2001 – and it was here that I was introduced into a certain form of legalism. Consequently I felt that the church had forgotten and neglected the law of God, the Torah, and that we need to literally keep it. This I tried to do!
I started reading the first five books of the Bible, and as far as I read the law, I tried to put it into practice, trying to obey every instruction. In short, I was legalistic and self righteous! But God was gracious to me.
The more I tried to keep the law, the more I realized that I do not have the ability to keep the law. The law was good – but I was bad, the law was holy, but I was sinful. No will power, no self determination - all the discipline and self effort could not change the flesh. I realized how sinful I was – and that I sinned because it was my nature to do so. I realized that my sinful actions flow out of my sinful nature.
Why is it that we get angry, or do the wrong thing, before we can even stop ourselves? It is no use to stick to a list of rules somewhere and say – I will not do this or not do that – because, before you know it, you have already done it, instinctively. God, also, not only looks at the exterior – He looks with penetrating eyes and sees why we sin, and it is all unacceptable to a Holy God.
I thus came under strong conviction, because I knew I was breaking God’s holy law, and that He must punish me, I deserved the penalty. But why did I sin, why can’t I keep myself from sinning? This is a question that believers also face, because we also still have a sinful nature. We have inherited a sinful nature from Adam. We do wrong because we are wrong. So, through my legalism I came to see how hopeless and helpless I am. I thus came to realize my sinful nature – and next I understood that I needed to be born again.
Well, essentially, new birth has to do with being in the wrong family – and I realized that I was part of that sinful Adamic family. As sinners, we are all part of the wrong family! Rom 5:12: as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned.
No matter what race you are or what language you speak, God sees only two families, represented by two men, so to speak - Adam, or, Christ. We are born from Adam, our natural family, and we need to be re-born into a new family, in Christ, the last Adam. Paul wrote in 1 Cor 15:22: “For as in Adam all die, so also, in Christ, all will be made alive. God can only be my Father if I am in His Son. So I realized that I was born with a sin nature, in Adam, and thus I needed to be born again, into a new family. God also graciously provided the right literature that emphasized the difference between law and grace, the church and Israel – and how Jesus fulfilled the law.
What started out as legalism led me to my Saviour. This is how I came to believe in Jesus. As Gal 3:24 says,
The Law has become our tutor (schoolmaster/instructor) to lead us to Christ, so that we may be justified by faith.
The law and my inability to keep it drove me to Jesus. The burden and weight of sin fell from my back as I rested in the finished work of Jesus.
As the hymn writer puts it: Not the labors of my hands, can fulfill Thy law's demands. I came to realize what Harry Ironside wrote long ago, that there are really only two religions, so to speak, in this world:
· The one says, Something in my hands I bring, and it is the false religion
· The other, says, Nothing in my hand I bring, simply to Thy cross I cling;
The false one commands you to do, the true one says that is already done. No self righteousness – but the righteousness of God, in Christ. I realized that no laws, no rituals, no charismatic formulas, no 12 step programs, no psychology –nothing can change the flesh. Flesh is flesh and can only be condemned. I acknowledged my hopelessness and helplessness and turned away from self to Savior. Thus God no longer looks at me, the sinner, He looks at His sinless Son, since, by faith, I am in Him.
· Jesus paid the penalty for the Law that I cannot keep. God judged Him instead of Me.
· He took me out of Adam and placed me in His Son, the Last Adam.
· Jesus rose and I am seated with Him, there high above, because I am in Him.
· It is all in Jesus. He is our all in All. He is All Sufficient.
But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness , and sanctification, and redemption (1 Cor 1:30) Gerdus Human
Pretoria, South Africa
28 March 2010
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